HERE IS A FUNERAL SPEECH FOR MY BELOVED
HERMIT CRAB:
WAIT.
LET ME TELL YOU WHAT HAPPENED FIRST.

MY TWO HERMIT CRABS, BRADY AND KIP, WERE IN THEIR NEW CAGE.
KIP IS A TINY BROWN CRAB WITH A YELLOW SHELL.

BRADY WAS A LARGE RED CRAB WITH A RED STRIPED SHELL.
I WAS DECORATING THEIR CAGE WITH THINGS, AND I PUT A LARGE BLUE SHELL IN THERE.
I WENT ON TO VACATION FOR A COUPLE DAYS. OUR PET SITTER, JAKE, CALLED ONE EVENING.
HE SAID THAT ONE HERMIT CRAB WAS GONE AND THERE WERE LIMBS ALL OVER THE CAGE.
WHEN I GOT BACK HOME, I PEERED INSIDE IT.
I HELD UP BRADY'S SHELL, BUT IT WAS EMPTY.
KIP WAS DEAD. HE HAD NO ARMS.
SO I THREW HIM INTO THE BUSHES AND SAID A PRAYER.
TURNS OUT, BRADY HAD KILLED KIP HIMSELF WHEN HE WAS COMING OUT OF HIS SHELL. I THEN FOUND HIM HIDING IN HIS BRAND NEW BLUE SHELL, WHICH MAKES HIM LOOK TWICE AS LARGE. THEY JUST KINDS GOT IN A FIGHT AND BRADY WON/

SO PLEASE... REMEMBER KIP...

KIP SEXTON
JUNE 26TH - JULY 10TH